


Heaven

by iPrayToCastiel



Category: Captain America, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Long one, Reader fic - Freeform, You asked for it, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 15:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iPrayToCastiel/pseuds/iPrayToCastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You and Bucky have been through everything. And no matter what happens, you always find each other. Now, Bucky sees just how amazing you are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven

Bucky often thought about before.

He thought about the person he was before. He thought about what life was before. He thought about the city before. And most of all, he thought about the two of you before.

God, in the 40′s, you were both a little reckless. From the moment you met, the two of you were just one ball of hell-raising fire. Even Steve couldn’t handle how untamed the two of you were. You and Bucky were the spitting image of young, wild, and free.

When Bucky got enlisted, that was the first time he’d seen you cry that hard. You knew it had been a long time coming, but the fact that it was actually happening broke you down. God, you loved him so much. The night he left, he had taken you, your friend, and Steve to the Stark Expo. And as much as you wanted to enjoy your last night with your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but worry. As the night wore on, you soon found yourself crying again as you said goodbye. That was the first time you had seen him cry.

“When you get back, I’m not letting you leave ever again,” you whispered into his neck. He smiled into your hair.

“No, never again,” he agreed.

You stayed with Steve when he enlisted again, and when Dr. Erskine offered him a chance. You cried again, not wanting to lose two people that night. Then Dr. Erskine said something to you. And, as mentioned before, you’d always been a little reckless.

You trained along side your small friend. You had even proved yourself stronger than some the men. And when the day came, Steve pushed you to continue.

And while Steve seemed to have taken on the role as lead poster boy, you remained in the background. Literally, in the background of all the promotional posters and behind the curtain on stage. For some reason, they didn’t want the face of the army to be a woman.

When Steve performed for the soldiers, you stood by him when he was booed. You tried to reason with him as he drew in his note book. You had also marched into the tent when Ms. Carter told you Steve had been performing for the 107th.

When Steve brought Bucky and the men back, that was the second time you saw your boyfriend cry. You had stayed behind to defuse what could be a disaster after Steve pulled this stunt. When Bucky saw you emerge from the tent, he ran to you and crushed you in a hug. Holding him with a little more intensity than expected, you both fell to your knees. You felt his body shudder against you, and he gripped tightly to your shirt.

“Please, don’t ever let me leave you again,” he whispered.

“No, never again,” you promised.

From then on, you went on every mission with Steve and the Howling Commandos. You traveled through enemy territory and tore up the land, raising hell and standing out amongst the all-guy crowd. You were on the front lines, and you never missed a mission. And above all, you were on the train with them.

You were on the roof of the train for this mission. You were heading towards the cabin of the train when you felt the car rumble as a missile bounced off Steve’s shield below. You peered over top of the car to see the side of the car almost completely ripped off. You felt another jolt, and soon saw your boyfriend hanging on to the railing.

“James!” you cried. Steve was now also hanging from the railing reaching for him.

“Take my hand,” you heard your best friend yell over the loud clack of the train. 

Then you watched in horror as your love fell. You screamed in pain, falling to your knees. Steve pulled you off the rail of the car to hold you, but he only ended up restraining you for jumping. Bucky was it for you. This was it for you.

\-----------

When you got out of the ice with Steve, you only had him. You woke up hoping everything had been some fucked up dream, but when you saw your best friend in his tall, built form, you knew you were wrong. You almost collapsed then by another wave of agony. You hoped that when you went into the ice, that was it for you.

Then three years passed. Three fucking years of pain and depression and suicide missions. Sure, Steve was somewhat adjusting to the “modern” world, but you just couldn’t. After all, you didn’t plan on staying.

You knew you weren’t invincible, but that was the point; seeing just how far you could, or would go. When Nick was shot, part of you honestly had hoped you would’ve been in range for at least one fatal bullet. A piece of you harbored jealousy at the dead man's luck. And then you met the Winter Soldier. Even when you hadn’t known it was Bucky, and you knew him only as your target, you could feel that man would be your end. But just because you wanted to die, it didn’t mean others had to.

When the incident on the bridge happened, a small part of you was scared. No matter how much you wanted to go, you didn’t want to fail. It just wasn’t you.

And then Steve ripped the mask off. You were already on the ground recovering from a blow, but in that moment you came crashing down. At first, you didn’t believe it. But then you heard Steve say the one name you hadn’t heard in years, and it sounded as if gospel had rolled of his tongue.

“Bucky?” he whispered.

And as if things for you couldn’t get any worse, he spoke. You pressed your head to the ground in agony when you heard his voice. His voice was harsh, tortured and restrained, but it rang so clearly in the air that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t block it out.

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

Steve was clearly torn apart when he was arrested. You, on the other, had to be picked off the ground. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want this pain for knowing he was alive but wasn’t coming back to you. When you reached Nick’s safehouse, you sat still, staring into space, and showing no emotion.

“Y/N?” you heard Steve ask softly. “Are you okay?” You looked up at him.

“I just found out that the man I’ve loved, the man I would’ve taken a freight train for, the man I would have killed myself for is alive. And he doesn’t even know who he is. No, Steve. I’m not okay.”

His eyes softened as you went back to staring at nothing. He walked away, realizing he truly wasn’t the only one.

You and Steve would go into the helicarrier to change the card. It seemed easy enough until he showed up. You decided you should at least try to talk to him.

“Jamie, we don’t have to do this. Baby, people are gonna die, Buck,” you reasoned. And then Steve just had to open his mouth.

“We can’t let that happen,” he said sternly. Bucky’s eyes flicked to Steve, and his look somewhat hardened.

You cried out in emotional frustration when he attacked. You couldn’t do this anymore. Sure, you would fight to save the people, but as for yourself, you were willing to give up. You and Steve had gotten away long enough to try and change the card. You were running on the walkway when you felt it go through your back. The soviet slug that defined your love.

You tumbled off the walkway and fell onto the glass below. Bucky stalked over until he was standing above you. He pointed the gun to your head.

You smiled up at the man who you would never stop loving. What an ironic way to die.

“Do it, James,” you huffed out. His face contorted to confusion. “I’m not letting you leave me. Never again.” you recited the lines that seemed to have started it all.

And then the glass shattered.

\---

Bucky always thought back to that moment. He realizes now that nothing could ever take you away from him. The two of you had been through so much shit together. And now Bucky wasn’t ever gonna let you go again. He wasn’t gonna lose you. He had been down that road way too many times. And to be honest, he knew you weren’t gonna let him go either. You wanted all of him, all the time. You’d always come back.

He laid in your shared bed now, thinking about you and everything you were. You were laying in his arms; your face pressed into his shoulder and a hand on his chest. Your face looked so peaceful and innocent, as if you hadn’t gone through hell a few times. He almost couldn’t believe you were with him. He almost couldn’t believe you were here. But you were. You had saved him from all the horrible things he could’ve become. You had saved him from his hell. You were his heaven.

He knew he’d never find anyone else like you. He’d never find anyone else who would have stood by him through everything. He’d never find anyone else who would come back. There was only one you. And that one you had completely turned his life upside down.

He wanted you to know all of this, but he could never find the words. He’d never been a man of many words, but when it came to how he felt about you, it was as if he lost his voice. He tried to tell you before, but all he could say was simply, “I love you.” And he realized that that was all he needed. Even as the Winter Soldier, he still felt. He felt lonely. He felt feared. But when he came back to you, god, he felt like he had been saved. After everything you’d been through, your heart was still made of pure gold.

For the longest time, before he had even met you, he had been waiting for you. Waiting for heaven. God, when Bucky heard what you went through after that, he felt so horrible. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he just couldn’t imagine you in that pain. Sure, in the 40’s he acted like a bad boy, but God knows he wanted more. He wanted to fall in love with someone amazing. And then you showed up.

You were just beginning to stir on his chest. He noticed that your face scrunched up in stress, signaling a bad dream. You fingers tightened on the shirt he was wearing.

“Jamie?” you whined in a groggy voice.

“Yeah, babydoll,” he whispered.

“You’ll never leave me right? I dreamed that you did,” You mumbled sadly. He tightened his hold on you and kissed your forehead.

“No, angel.” He whispered. “Never again.”


End file.
